Regrets
by AngsterGangster
Summary: Set of YBxRB drables based on after YB death AUs
1. cigarette memories 1

Disclaimer: you know Yu-Gi-Oh's not mine because I can't write straight people. at all.

He says he hates cigarettes. Says that they're disgusting and he hates the smell of them.

That's not the truth though. The _truth _is quite different. The _truth _is that they remind him. Remind him of the one who died. Remind him of the one who died. Remind him of the one that is gone. The one that is _never _coming back. If he were to tell the _truth, _he'd tell you of a 17 year old boy who died in a fight over a pack of cigarettes. He'd tell you of a 15 year old boy who screamed and raged and _cried_ for _weeks _after that fight. If he'd tell the truth, he'd say that it isn't the cigarettes he hates but the hurt they bring. He'd say he hates remembering.

He won't tell the truth though.

After all, it's always easier to be angry than hurt.


	2. cigarette memories 2

disclaimer:you know Yu-Gi-Oh is not mine because Yugi's crushing on Anzu. I nearly puked in the first manga.

Cigarette memories 2

He hates smoking. He hates the way it feels, the way it tastes… He hates the fact that now he's the one that's smoking. Hates the fact that he's smoking as a comfort because the one that used to smoke isn't here. The smell's different too. Before when he smelt it, it was because Bakura was smoking while he leaned against him. The smell was different then, less strong.

He hates smoking. After all, Bakura's the one that's supposed to be smoking not him.


	3. hated dreams

Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh is not mine.

He hates going to sleep with little to no power. Hates the helplessness and fear that clouds his dreams.

He hates the other dreams more.

Hates seeing crimson eyes (so beautiful when looking at him with love) glazed over in death. Hates dreaming of the last words he heard "Just go! I'll hold 'em off! Don't worry about me!".

Hates even more the ones where he remembers.

"Hey babe, 'nother nightmare?"- said with such love and concern that he wakes up crying.

"C'mon babe, we're gonna miss the plane!"-said with such excitement that he wakes up with a laugh that comes out as a sob.

"Did you miss me?" said with such feigned arrogance that he wakes with another laugh that comes out as a sob.

It's the ones where he dreams that it was all a nightmare that hurt the most. It is those that have him running to the kitchen in hopes of finding his beloved scowling at another set of blackened pancakes.

It is then that he cries, for it is then that it all comes back and he remembers…

Remembers screaming "Let me go! Let go of me! He's still down there! We can't leave him behind! Let GO!". Remembers struggling, even as the plane took off… and worst of all remembers the exact second that the bond broke, knowing that he was gone and wishing he could die as well, just to be with him, despite the fact that he has promised to never think such things.


	4. blackened pancakes

Disclaimer: not mine, if Yu-Gi-Oh were mine everyone would be gay.

He always cooks his pancakes till they're completely blackened. None of his friends do and most of them tease him about it but he does it anyways. He just can't bear to eat them any other way. When he finally agrees to tell them why they wait. They're not expecting what comes next. They're expecting something sweet, like his mom used to cook pancakes like this. They're not expecting this story. He knows but he tells them anyways.

He tells them of a 17 year old boy who could never manage to properly cook anything better than microwave soap but still tried. He tells them of Mondays, waking up and finding blackened pancakes on the countertop and his boyfriend scowling at them. He tells them about how Bakura had died in a car wreck, coming to cook blackened pancakes. He tells them of how he'd begged, pleaded, _screamed_ for him not to die. How he'd _demanded _to know _who _would cook him blackened pancakes. Then he tells them of a 15 year old boy who cooked blackened pancakes through tears the next Monday.

They're silent when he finishes but he doesn't care. Instead he gets up and makes blackened pancakes.

They're the only ones he can stomach now.


	5. would be aniversary

Disclaimer: I don't own yugioh. I kinda wonder who i'm talking about in this fic though... I kinda think it's joey's sister...

At times, he thinks he hates her. He's never hated anyone, so he's not quite sure, but he thinks this might be hate. When he thinks that, he wants to cry. After all, _He_ had always claimed such a thing to be impossible. "Innocent Little Ryou" He'd so often said. At this thought, he laughs. It's not a nice laugh. It's bitter and cold, a sound that is pain, self hate, bitterness and sorrow all mixed together, another thing that was said to be impossible for "Innocent Little Ryou". He's not "Innocent Little Ryou" anymore though. _That _part of him died a long time ago.

Nobody realized it back then, they were _so _sure, that a relationship between "That Sweet Little Boy" and "That Horrid Teenager" would never, _could _never work.

They didn't realize that Bakura had been the main reason for his innocence. They didn't realize that Bakura cherished the innocence that Ryou had. The innocence that had been ripped away from him at such an early age. They didn't realize that Bakura had so often shielded him from the harsher aspects of life, nor did they realize that what kills innocence so often is death.

Then again, they didn't realize that Bakura planned to propose. They didn't realize that the day she killed him was the very day he'd bought the ring. The ring he'd saved up to buy for months. After all, one didn't buy a cheap ring for the most important person in one's life.

They didn't realize she'd kill him for being homosexual. Oh sure, they'd known she'd been attracted to him. They just didn't realize that when she found out that she couldn't have Bakura, she'd decide that no one could. He wants to hate them for that too. He doesn't though, after all, the Bakura _They_ had known, hadn't been the Bakura he'd loved.

Sometimes, he thinks he hates her and he hates her even more. After all, Bakura had never wanted Ryou to hate. He'd known that when Ryou began to hate, he'd cease to be "Innocent Little Ryou".

Sometimes he thinks he hates her. It's on this day, the thought comes most often. After all, this was the day Bakura had panned to propose and it was in this day that in reality two boys had died.

It was this day that the pat of him that was "Innocent Little Ryou" ceased to be. It was this day; he'd lost the person that was most important to him. It was this day, he learned to hate.

Sometimes, he thinks he hates her.

Today, he _knows _he does.


	6. kura, not bakura

Disclaimer:Yu-gi-oh is not mine

He hates the things they say. Hates the rude, cruel _awful _things they say. Hates the way they assume. Hates the fact that they decided to banish him without even asking whether or not he wanted him banished.

Sometimes he wants to scream. Wants to scream and yell and _rage_. Wants to _demand _that they _bring him back_ _now_. Wants to _demand_ why the heck they decided to banish him. Why it was _their _decision.

Sometimes he hates them. Sometimes he wishes that they would lose everything. After all, he did. Sometimes he wants to know why they were the ones to decide. After all, _they_ didn't love him.

They didn't know him.

Sometimes, he wants to scream at them. Wants to yell at them for being so happy. Wants to ask them why they get to be happy when he can't. Sometimes he wants to tell them they were wrong.

He doesn't. After all, he knows they won't understand.

The one they knew was Bakura.

He was the only one to know 'Kura.


	7. wrong

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh. Futhermore you should be glad that i don't own yugioh because I can't write straight people, girls or anything over one chapter.

He know what they say. Hears the whispers as he passes.

Heartless

(No, though he wises it were so, if only to stop the pain of his heart)

Weird

(He knows)

Strange

(He gets it!)

Freak

(Stop! Shut up! He gets it already!)

Quiet

(So talk to me! Give me a chance!)

Arrogant

(I'm not!)

Thinks he's better

(I don't!)

And when he lies down to sleep he remembers and wishes even more that he was as heartless as they said because maybe then he wouldn't hurt so very much.

They're wrong you know. Just because he doesn't look like he cares doesn't mean he doesn't hurt.

He does,

He hurts,

He bleeds,

He cries,

And when he finally manages to cry himself to sleep, he dreams of better times. Times when he was loved. Times when _he _was still here. Times before Atemu (because he refuses to give the former pharaoh the title of Yami without him truly understanding what it means to be such) banished him.

Never assume and never judge people on assumptions, because we are so very often wrong and that hurts so very much.


	8. eyes and mouth

Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh is not mine, the day Yu-Gi-Oh becomes mine is the day everyone in it becomes gay.

Ryou's eyes and Ryou's mouth say different things. When Bakura began putting people's souls in figurines his eyes said "thank you" while his mouth said "I hate you". When Yugi asks him to come to the arcade his eyes say "you might be able to fool yourself into thinking you care but I know you don't" while his mouth says "no thank you". When Tea gives her friendship speeches his eyes say "hypocrite" while his mouth says nothing. When Honda throws the ring away his eyes say "I hate you" while his mouth says "thank you". When Bakura comes back his eyes say "thank you for coming back" while his mouth wishes Bakura would leave. When Yami Yugi banishes Bakura his yes say "I hate you" and "I'll never forgive you" while his mouth says "thank you".

Ryou's eyes and Ryou's mouth say different things but Ryou's eyes tell the truth. Ryou's eyes often told Bakura that he loved him but after Yami Yugi banishes him Ryou wishes that he could make his mouth tell the truth as well, even if only once so that his mouth could say "I love you" as well.

Now Ryou can only hope that Bakura understood that his eyes told the truth while his mouth told lies. Now Ryou's mouth tells of happiness but his eyes tell of regrets.


	9. cigarettes break hearts

Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh is not mine. If it were mine the hikari's would be dating their yami's, Seto and Joey would be together, Honda and Duke would be together and there would be no females in it.

It was supposed to be just another high school assembly. Get out of class, listen to the adults patronize them; watch some dumb slide shows… It wasn't supposed to have _any _effect on them.

It did.

Sure, it started out the same, but after that, something different happened. A guy came up. He couldn't have been more than two years out of high school. He gave a speech, told them about how he was pretty sure none of this had mattered to them. He was right, though they were surprised by his bluntness in saying so. Then he went on to tell them that it hadn't mattered to his boyfriend either. They were shocked, even more so when he lit up right in front of them. He told them that he wasn't going to talk to them about health issues from smoking. If they wanted to fuck up their bodies, fine. He was too fucked up to give a damn. He told them he didn't care but that if they loved someone then they should think twice. Cigarettes break hearts he told them. They asked him how he knew. He said his boyfriend had died because he'd gotten sick and wouldn't stop smoking long enough to get better. They asked him why he was smoking then, if he knew that then why would he smoke and break people's hearts? He said that in that case he hoped it was his fuck up of a boyfriend whose heart got broken. They ignored his cursing; they knew he didn't mean it. They could hear the mixture of pain and love in his voice.

They expected it to be just another assembly. Go, get out of class, leave and forget all about it. They never expected to be affected. They never expected to meet a jaded boy not more than two years out of high school who smoked and talked of broken hearts with such pain.

They expected wrong.


	10. times have changed, pharaoh

He knows what the rumors are. They say he is antisocial, rude, arrogant, snobby, weird (shy, naïve, stupid, speechless with gratitude). He knows the people that spread them don't know him and won't even try to (and the ones who will only do so because they are "the good guys"). Knowing doesn't help. You can't logic away emotion. Praying doesn't fix things (not for the thief king and not for his host). Crying and begging don't bring back the lost (dead, destroyed, stolen, will I even see you when I die or is your very soul gone?) and dreaming only makes the real world seem cold and bright like day on the Antarctic.

He's tried everything to get him back

He's bled

He's cried

He's bargained and promised

Begged and pleaded

He's raged

He's tried the darkest spells and the lightest ones

He's hurt more than even the worst person should ever have to

And

h.e.i.s.s.o.t.i.r.e.d.

What did you think would happen great pharaoh? Do not deny your fault in this. You are not a god. You are not omnipotent. You are not infallible and You. Are. Not. in the right.

Two are dead now.

**You** are a murderer.


	11. pity the shadowless

Do you ever think about your shadow? Probably not. It's like thinking about breathing. Automatic, a part of you that will be there until you die. But what if it wasn't? What if, one day some idiot took it away from you without even asking or thinking it through? What if they expected you to be happy, to thank you afterwards? Would you? Or would you be lost and empty, hateful and angry (lost) but with no way to do anything (a person can't live without breathing, I can't live without him).

You might think this is impossible. You might think no one would be that stupid (people do horrible things in the name of rightousness).

But it happened. It happened to Ryou Bakura. His shadow is gone, he is alone (he is dead).

So if you ever come across someone with no shadow, do not scream, do not cry, do not seek vengeance on their behalf (they are not there, they do not care and the people who do such things are very powerful and very dangerous). Pity them, as you pity the dead and the living left behind. (these are the true zombies, walking through life empty inside)

Pity Ryou Bakura.

But do not speak to him, he cannot hear you

Do not question him, he cannot speak

Do not listen for him, he does not breath

Do not love him, his heart is still (stone) in his chest


End file.
